CONTENTS
Part One - Help For You
Part Two - Further Help
Chapter One
As the plane began the descent into Houston, the pilot made the following announcement, "The automatic landing gear is not functioning correctly. But, we have a backup manual system." I am sure at that moment much prayer went up to heaven. I was sitting next to a pilot. He said there was nothing to worry about. Somehow, that didn't completely comfort me. As the plane hit the runway and came to a stop, we were surrounded by fire engines. The men on the fire trucks had on those silver fire suits that you usually see only in the movies or on the news after an airplane crash. The pilot shut down the engines and the plane was towed the rest of the way to the terminal. In my opinion, this uneventful landing could have been much different if God had not had his hand in the situation.
That was just the beginning of a business trip that I would never forget. For it was during that little journey that I ended up in a doctor's office. While in the waiting room, I saw a magazine on the table. The front cover said something about homosexuality. I wanted to pick it up; down deep I really wanted to know the truth. The thought came to me that, if I picked up that magazine, everyone would know the way I was living. In reality, I feared the truth. I loved darkness more than the light, because my deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed (John 3:19,20). Also, on the cover of that magazine was a Bible reference. All I could see were the letters "ROM". I found out later that it referred to Romans 1.
The Bible has much to say about homosexuality. This is a fact that I didn't want to believe for twenty years of my life. The most descriptive and pointed account in the New Testament can be found in the first chapter of the book of Romans.
Romans 1:24-27:
"Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of god for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen.
Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."
A leader in the homosexual movement has stated that God created certain persons to be homosexual. If that were really true, then these verses in Romans would surely have included an exception clause for the sake of "righteous homosexuals."
Similarly, a conclusion can be drawn by reading the New Testament passages regarding marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:2 says, "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." This passage emphasizes only the husband and wife relationship as a means of avoiding immorality. The only conclusion that can be drawn here is that marriage is acceptable only between man and woman, not between persons of the same sex.
Jesus condemned fornication, which is any sex outside of marriage, because it was a more commonplace sin and therefore one in need of specific mention. Sodomy is also sex outside of marriage.
God doesn't condemn the person in the bondage of homosexuality but God does condemn homosexual activity. God would have accepted homosexuality and said so in scripture if that was in his plan. He would not create us with homosexual thoughts and cravings, and then turn around and condemn us for having them. That is not in the character of a just God.
I made a choice in my life that put me in bondage for 20 years. While it is true that there were certain things in my childhood that happened or didn't happen that influenced my choice, I still made a choice.
I Corinthians 6:9-11 proves that sin is a choice and that you can change. The New International version says, "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." WOW!! I am so glad we can change. I can remember the time when I thought that there was no way out.
When we rationalize any human problem, we may deny the afflicted the opportunity to find true relief. Homosexuality is sin and sin separates us from God. To rationalize any sin will deny access to God and healing for the person in bondage to that sin.
I thank God that the manual hydraulic system on that plane did function correctly. If it hadn't, I would have died in my sin to live forever in eternal torment.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS:
Chapter Ten
I realize that your first reaction to the news that a loved one or friend is struggling with homosexuality may be total shock or disbelief. That is normal. But, I hope that each of you that has a loved one or friend in that bondage has already received assurance in your heart that they were not born that way; that there is a way out. They didn't get into this bondage overnight and will probably not get out of it overnight.
Through circumstances and influences, usually early in life, as well as their own CHOICES, they have ended up in what seems like an impossible bondage. They may have deep roots of hurt, rejection, lack of unconditional love, self hatred (believing that they don't deserve love or anything good), bitterness, rebellion, self pity, anger, envy (wanting what they don't have), or idolatry (trying to gain what is lacking in their life through an emotional and/or sexual relationship). Their choice was probably made, in part or in whole, to alleviate their inner loneliness and to attempt to find a sense of identity in relationship to another.
However warped or perverted that may seem to you, it is their choice. You may feel like your whole world is falling apart, but it is not. Of all things, do not reject them. They need your love and acceptance now more than ever. As a matter of fact, it would be good to reaffirm your love for them. They don't need harsh, ugly lectures. That will only drive them away and further into bondage. This is probably the hardest thing to do at this time, but unconditional love and acceptance is exactly what will draw them out of bondage.
An experience of rejection in my life, in this area, was when my first lover and I told her mother about our relationship. Her reply was, "As far as I am concerned, you are both dead!" Wow, what a blow! After that rejection, I was convinced that I would never tell another person. This also drove me deeper into that way of life.
Her mother said,
"As far as I am concerned,
you are both dead!"
Once you are successful in communicating your love and acceptance and they know that you will not withdraw your support, you are ready to share your own views. Be careful not to "beat them over the head" with Scripture. They may be convinced that they are "born that way". Don't argue with them. Just tell them what you believe without putting them down. You will be planting seeds with love. After you have lovingly confronted them, you need to be ready to offer them an alternative to homosexuality. That alternative is the love of Jesus Christ and His power to redeem and recreate a person. You might have something to give them such as a tape, or book (like this one) or a brochure from a ministry to homosexuals.
Your loved one or friend is going to need faithful, consistent love and support. Provide a non-judgmental listening ear and a place of warmth, security and wholesomeness that they can't get in the sinful world. Verbally reassure them of your love for them and show them by writing letters, phoning them or having them over for dinner.
We must offer hope -- hope for change for those who wish to do so; hope for acceptance and support for those who don't believe they can change.
If you are "taking it personally", as many parents and spouses might do, don't. You are not to blame for your loved ones homosexual problems. Whatever influence you might have had on your loved one, it was still their choice.
Many of these people are the result of the harvest sown in America by the breakup of the home and the absence of whole and affirming fathers.
Once a person starts the process of deliverance and healing, their greatest need is loving support. Once they have repented, that doesn't mean their struggles are over. This is a very critical time in their lives. Strugglers often continue to feel utterly alone or vulnerable to perverse possibilities. They will need Christ-centered relationships with which to live out their healing. This is where many churches fall short.
We believe that lying and adultery are sin, yet we reach out in compassion to the liar and adulterer. We believe that homosexuality is sin, yet close our doors to the homosexual struggler. We can't help the hurting or bring life to those who need God when all they feel is rejection.
With women especially, true comfort and affection needs to be offered through sincere relationships. Such relationships are the essence of healing for the lesbian. Don't push them into a heterosexual relationship and marriage too soon. There is healing and adjustments to be made in their life first.
We need to relate to those struggling with sexual confusion just as you relate to other people. Friendship is highly important. Most persons with same-sex preference feel that they don't fit in with others. The person with a homosexual struggle is a creation of God and, therefore, due acceptance and respect. We must walk the line between accepting of the person without condoning their sexual practices.
The starting point of compassion with persons struggling with homosexuality is the message that it is wrong, that forgiveness is available for their sins and that healing and growth is available to all who approach God with an earnest desire to be forgiven and healed.
We must rid ourselves of fears, aversions and superiority feelings. Then we can truly fellowship with and share the burdens of those struggling with homosexuality. We need to realize that those struggling with homosexual issues are not fundamentally different from anyone else. We need a level of comfort with and openness about this problem in our churches.
We can't expect redeemed behavior from the unredeemed. Accept people where they are and show them care, compassion and concern. Being willing to adjust to something less than perfect is a sign of acceptance. If we are living our lives for God, they will already know that we don't condone their lifestyles. Being friendly with people does not mean that we approve of all they do. But it does open the doors for us to share the Gospel.
It can be a very painful experience for parents to learn that their child is in bondage to homosexuality. There may be deep shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment, frustration, disappointment and heartbreak. Sometimes parents may be in such pain that they can't talk about their feelings. But that is just what they need to do. They need to find a loving group of people who will support them in and through their pain.
I want to give a word of encouragement to the families of those in the bondage of homosexuality. Please don't write your loved one off and don't give up! Love them unconditionally. They don't need any more rejection, they get enough of that. You don't have to agree with the way they live, but love them. Also, pray for them every day. Those are the two most powerful things you can do for your loved one to bring them out of bondage. Let them know that you will always be there for them when they are hurting or need help. That is the time when they will be most sensitive to the love of God. The person involved in homosexuality is searching for love. That is his or her need. It is also the remedy. God's love.
So, place your friend or loved one in God's hands and then leave them there. It is when you give up hope in all your efforts and quit depending on your strength that you can start to hope in what God can do.
A person in homosexual bondage is not going to change unless he wants to. We don't have the right or the power to make them do otherwise. We are, however, responsible to present the truth. How are we to minister to them? "LOVE THEM AS JESUS WOULD".